As someone who truly believes that we live on after death, the death of my father has hit me much harder than I imagined it would. I apologise for those of you who visit and receive feeds from this blog as I really have not had the heart to write anything. I know deep in my very soul that we are eternal beings and that my dad is somewhere beautiful and much, much happier than he was over the past six months or so. What is so distressing is knowing that I can no longer pick up the phone and see how he is or even nag him when he hasn't been eating properly or taking his medicine. Funny how, just knowing he was there was enough and now he is not. I have been arranging his belongings and his funeral almost from a distance, if you know what I mean - just doing and not thinking at all. We had had a long distance relationship over the past four years as I live in Mallorca and he lived in England but the connection was always there.
How do I feel? I really don't know or rather cannot explain it. How do I cope with grief? I don't know the answer to that either as I am still trying to understand how I feel. Each and every one of us is different and each relationship shared by two people is individual to those two people. I do know that I miss him, now I know he is no longer there, I am distressed that I didn't get to see him before he died. I last saw him in January. I also feel guilty that I didn't do more, although
I don't know what I could have done.
I am truly grateful for having had him as my dad and sharing a great part of my life with him. I am also grateful that my belief in life after death is so strong and I know that I will see him again when my time comes.
My heartfelt thoughts go out to anyone who has lost someone they love, keep the memory of them in your hearts and know that this is not the end for them, or us, but the beginning of something new.
Here is a poem I wrote a couple of years ago and one of my pictures. This picture is called Trust and will hopefully stir up some emotions from deep within. We need to trust in ourselves and not go into denial - this poem and picture are reminders of just that. The poem is called:
